There are several ways in which taking time to yourself brings you more of the kind of Love and relationship you want. By taking action on what nourishes you, these two basic things are affirmed over and over again.
Spending time with me is awesome
(if you don't like it, why would someone else?)
I deserve to feel good and be nourished and replenished.
If these statements do not feel true for you inside you are likely in a pattern of becoming resentful and depleted at times. These are the times when we can project our resentment or fatigue onto a partner, children or obligation.
THE GOLD: Include these statements in your inner vocabulary more often starting now! Download the Valuing Myself meditation package with 3 short New Truth statements embedded in 5 min. meditations.
Challenges setting clear boundaries can hugely interfere with experiencing the Love and relationship we want. Too strong of boundaries can also keep us from receiving. Most people have challenges with both of these, two strong of boundaries in some situations or with some people and too weak of boundaries in other situations or with other people.
What to do? After years of watching hundreds of people suffer (including myself!) in some way as a result of boundary stuff, I have distilled it down . Releasing these 3 core misunderstandings will change your life.
If I don't protect myself, I will be hurt and who knows if/when I will recover
If I let people do what they want (even if it hurts me), I won't lose them. If I lose them, I may be alone and who knows how long it could be or if I would ever find someone else that loves me.
If I put up a clear boundary, someone may get angry or be hurt. I probably won't get what I want anyway.
These 3 gotta go!
Instead, here's some radical and soul-freeing new seeds to plant in your body.
Love feels great and is safe.
Letting people love me is a gift to them and to me.
If I allow more and more Love to come into my life, I will be happier and feel better than ever.
If someone leaves or a situation ends, it is because there is something even better on its way for me.
If these feel new seeds feel shaky at all or your mind says, 'Not true', please consider downloading the New Truth statements embedded in 3 short 5 min. meditations. Reset your system and purchase the New Truths about Boundaries package for $5 here.
Often unconscious, it is a sense of unworthiness that keeps us from having more time with Love in our current relationship, more time loving ourselves or having the Love we want show up in life. In and out of relationship I have noticed how a misunderstanding about our basic worth has interfered with ability to receive more of the loving and closeness and connection that we humans need, deserve and long for.
For change and growth in this area, here's what worked for me!
When unworthiness has visited or the pain of feeling unvalued has shown up, let the feeling flow (maybe tears or sound) or the body move with it (curl up, walk, dance, rocking) then I have used some of these statements as a guide back home toward the Life and Love that is truly desired.
May I release whatever misunderstanding is in the way of receiving Love.
May I know the Love within myself that is true and eternal.
Thank you for the Great Love I have know in my heart.
Prayer: Great Spirit, you deem me worth of this vast sky, the ocean, mountains, trees, birds and animals. You deem me worth of dear friends (or family) who love me. I trust you have a Love for me coming my way right now. Prepare me, open me to receive and recognize Love and see you everywhere. Thank you.
Knowing and Expressing my needs and wants
We live in a world that is constantly telling us what we need and what we should want. Unplugging from the media madness and from familial programming will be essential to determine what your unique body, heart and soul really needs and longs for.
Here’s the misunderstandings I have had to overcome:
I don’t have what I need
I don’t get to have what I want
I must not deserve the life and love I long for
I am not here to tell you what you need. You know inside. If your needs and wants are counter to the cultural and familial ideas you have been exposed to, your deep needs and wants can be harder to hear inside. They can appear as whispers and easily get lost in the busy-ness of life. There will also be counter-thoughts in the mind that seek to silence your soul needs and wants. For example;
I need more quiet and time to myself. (You don’t have time for that, or you get enough, what’s the matter with you?)
I need my work to be aligned with my heart and passions. (Just get a job, you need security, you don’t get to have everything you want)
I need adventure and wildness in my life. (Don’t be too different)
I need new friends and new people in my life. (That could be scary! I’m comfortable with the people I hang out with)
I want a deep intimate love and a fantastic sex life. (Don’t expect too much, not everyone gets what they want)
Due to the backlash from culture, family and the conditioned thoughts we live with in our head, simple knowing your needs and wants can be tricky in and of itself! The heart and soul speak gently. It is necessary to practice to hear these parts of yourself regularly. This is where intuition aims to guide you. Life will continually aim to give you the messages you have missed or ignored.
Once you know them, express them! Write out your needs and desires, make a collage, tell fiends, tell your coach, counselor or healer, tell your family. **really important—- choose to express your needs and deep desires, especially if they are new or feel scary for you, to those who will support you.
Sharing with judgemental or unsupportive people can set you back days or months or years.
Taking Action on your needs and wants
Treating your body with reverence