Reaching for the light

December 31, 2017


Contraction, pain, curling up into a ball, squished into a dark cave way too small for your human body,..... gasping for breath.  Pain.  Physical pain.  Emotional pain.  You will surely die.  It feels like death.  How could you possibly endure any more?  How?


What can you do?


You pray.  

You wait.  

You hope it’s over soon.  

What is happening?  Why is it happening?, you wonder.  Why again?  Why am I here again?  


What can you do?  You’re in a small dark tunnel and you’re stuck.  There’s no going back.  You can only trust there will be movement forward.  There is no way to know for sure.  There is no direction, there is no one else.  No one talking to you.  Only pain and contraction and moments of rest and stillness.  Only the darkness.  




The birth canal.  From the baby’s perspective.  From mine.  From my son’s.  From yours.  Unless you were born from a scheduled c-section, ( and that has different implications) you were in the dark tunnel for a time.  Unless your mother or father spoke to you through the process, you experienced times of fear of contraction and stuckness in the dark where you didn’t know what would happen or if you would live.  


It is a dying, archaic system that believes you were unaware or unfeeling during this time.  You were conscious.  


As we birth ourselves through the past, out to the future and back to the present, we inevitably, and usually repeatedly, re-connect to our birth process.  And this is necessary.  We are on a path to full consciousness.  Our intention is to become fully aware of ourselves as conscious beings who chose every last moment of our experience here on Earth.  On this path to full remembering, seeing and remembering the birth experience through our physical bodies is a requirement.  Like ‘Required Reading’ in the list of textbooks for the Process of Birthing course during your PhD in Life on this Planet, re-birthing yourself is one of those textbooks to know back to front and sideways.   


Re-birthing yourself will tend to come up through every break-up, every loss of a loved one, loss of a job and change of home.  It may also appear through experiences of rejection and neglect.  If you are able to go against the grain of society and fully take the time to drop into the introspection these experiences call for, the most intense period of re-birthing can be moved through in hours or days.  When you are occupied with tasks like caregiving or work, the re-birthing may be stretched out over months or years.  You may even fully forget your losses and pile on some layers to cover the grief that called for attention.  The layers can feel somewhat comfortable and warm, but after a time, they may be experienced as an almost unnameable discomfort or unexplainable frustration.  You can take off layers anytime.  Each time you do, it is helpful to allow yourself time to adjust to the ‘new you’.  Each layer removed usually calls for addressing an old grief.  Be patient with yourself.  Be loving.  Get the support you need.  


The first times I re-visited my own birth consciously, it was incredibly painful.  I had a loving guide.  


The next many times, I had some guidance and was learning how to do it consciously on my own.  I was learning to watch for those experiences in life that would bring it up.  I was learning to prepare for the times in the dark tunnel and the emergence back into my life.  


Through these countless experiences of being re-birthed, here’s what I have learned:


Even when the darkness seems impenetrable and endless,.......there will be light.


When it seems like I can’t breathe or there’s no point in the next breath, I find relief to rest in the pauses and still points.


I have the choice to ask for love or support or warmth.  From friends, from family, from angels or guides, from benevolent beings, from Creator….., there is always love within and around.  


In the darkest moments, I may encounter hatred or rage or such a volcanic force in myself that it seems to have no worldly place for safe expression.


I can choose to bow to the force that I contain.  The force I brought with me.  I contain a great force of power and light.  


I can choose to bow in reverence to the Great Mother who is ever present in the birthing process with me.  Holding me and knowing what I experience even when I can’t see or hear her, She is there.  She is ready and willing to cradle me the moment I emerge.  She is all around me.  

She will welcome me home.  



Dear One,


My friend, my souls mates, my comrade, we are all re-birthing.  I honor you in your process.  I know you will move through this.  Whether we know each other by name or not, we know each other.  I’ve got your back.  And you’ve got mine.  


I love you.


Let’s do this.






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