How did I get here?
With the burning question of Why are people suffering? deep in my heart, I fumbled through a turbulent adolescence and made it to the official age 18 that was called adulthood. I was still a vulnerable teenager striving to prove independence. Psychology called me as a way to understand the suffering of others and myself. Doing my best to mend my ways and be a good student was a stressful job through college. Without knowing I was looking for it meditation came to me when I was still this teenager feigning adulthood. I was in college and began staring at a candle at night before bed to help me sleep and let go of stress. I had no teacher but I now know there were many teachers guiding me from beyond. Read more of my story on the blog here
Meditation and psychology studies were ongoing when I was introduced to Ashtanga Yoga 20 years ago by Katie McClelland. Soon after I found Fiona Stang and the Pattabhi Jois lineage. I have been on my mat 5 or 6 times/week ever since. I found the yogic style meditation and breathwork to accompany the asana practice and after some years immersed in these practices I came upon a Master. Eliza Mada Dalian of the Osho lineage became my guide. She was stringent, structured and full of love. I observed her steadfast dedication to her students and personal discipline. I saw her grow as a teacher and make mistakes. Amidst it all was a silence and joy that was palpable and unlike anything I had ever come across in a human being. Her healing power and ability to read inside the human body; any emotion, thought or physical issue was nothing short of miraculous to me. I had studied psychology and found the methods to be moderate at best. Due to her unique healing method (now called the Dalian Method) and my disciplined study and practice with her, I unearthed my own expertise in attuning to the body's energetic patterns and transmuting the mental, emotional and physical pains or dis-ease. After being a student for 8 years, flying through lifetimes of patterning and pain and absorbing everything I could, the time came for me to take all the gifts she had given out into the world. I had huge resistance to putting more focus on 'worldly' matters and part of me wanted to run off and meditate somewhere in nature for years. However, I could not walk away from the experience Life had designed for me. Love, marriage, motherhood, isolation, depletion, desire, fire, surrender, separation, divorce, hopelessness, independence, loneliness, and on and on. The common thread through all of it has been a fierce commitment to inner wisdom and heart, a daily meditation practice and yoga or dance almost everyday. In the midst of it all the drive to continually find and express my voice and true nature has kept me going. The numerous times when my personal commitment to Life and Truth waivered, the commitment to my son and the future pulled me through. To him, to Creator, to all my ancestors and my living family, I am eternally grateful. I bow to you.
Phew,....I made it.
And.... I am no where new. I am still in the same body, the same city and similar circumstance. I have not made my millions or become famous. But to me, I have made it.
My heart is free. I have found the freedom that has always been here.
My love is boundless. With no partner in my life, I found the love that has no object and has always been here.
My resources are endless. Relieved of ideas that money will provide happiness, the knowledge of being eternally cared for fuels me.
And this, finally, what I have prayed for all these years, has brought me to my Service. In the decades to come, I have only to discover what creativity and love wants to offer and who I'll meet on the path. More people to love and be loved by, more beauty to be appreciated, more joy to be experienced, more lands to bless and be blessed by.
Thank you Earth.
Thank you Life.
Thank you for reading.