These two concepts have been horribly judged and mixed up; aloneness and loneliness.
Usually, they are used interchangeably.
“I don’t want it!” most minds will scream.
“Give me peace. Leave me alone!” another part of the mind says.
“Don’t leave me!” Fear may secretly whimper in a corner.
The mind is an intricate web of contradictions.
“I don’t want to be alone.” in one moment is in contradiction to “Leave me alone.” in another context. The fear of abandonment born of a love of connection is a universal experience that hides in the subconscious and arises at various stages of life experience. Like all psychological concepts, fear of abandonment exists on a continuum in each person dependant upon their early experiences and what their soul is here to learn about.
Unless there is understanding of the nature of your mind, these warring parts of the self will cause behavioral patterns that repeatedly show up as anxieties, depressions, avoidance, frustrations and seeking.
Each person in their own time will become tired of living out their unique cycle. Usually after recurrent dramas, relationship cycles or addictions (of any form) have significantly exhausted the person’s patterns, one will seek a greater depth of understanding of themselves.
These warring parts of the mind and resultant cycles drain vitality and prevent joy.
There are all kinds of these conflictual aspects in the mind but today let’s focus only on the loneliness.
Aloneness and loneliness are two different experiences. This was revolutionary for me to first come across. Some years back it was this writing that first helped me to contemplate the difference.
“Never use these two words as synonymous. Loneliness is negative, aloneness is positive.
Loneliness simply means you are missing the other. The other is absent, there is a gap in you.
Aloneness means you are present, there is no gap in you. You are full of presence, you are utterly there.
Loneliness is the absence of the other. Aloneness is the presence of your eternal being.”
Osho
Once I had this awakening conceptually, I sought to understand the difference in my lived experience. Life brings each of us countless opportunities to understand ourselves, our fears and avoidances, our early learnings and our resistances.
There is a gift in aloneness that is nourishing and replenishing. At different stages of life, we each need more or less of our alone time in order to feel content and renewed.
With loneliness, there is a medicine in each moment of it. The soul is urging you to further understand your human vulnerability, how much you have loved (a person or experience) and how the heart regenerates and is restored.
The heart cannot regenerate to its capacity when emotions are held back or avoided.
Both aloneness and loneliness have their own gifts and teachings.
What is the learning for you?
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